Saudades........

 I have dated for 3 years. When I met Paula, both of us
were 17 years old. On the 3 first months everything was
wonderful. Stunning! Then, it became hell. She was very
jealous, started to embaress us publicaly and would fight
for futile reasons. The problem was that I loved her too
much. Would do anything for her, thinking that one day
everything was going to change (such naivity). We broke
up and remake it many times.We reached a point where we
fought for any reason. We decided that it was really not
going to work out anymore and broke up defiantly. I stayed
home, feeling very bad, had no will to go out, couldn’t sleep.
Seven days passed by and I could not stand it anymore
and called her home. In the middle of the conversation
she told me she had gone out with someonelse and and even
had the guts to tell me she had done so to forget me.
Ill never forget that moment on the telephone. It felt
like someone had stabed my heart with a knife. I held
the tears on the phone and maintained my voice, serene,
I said it was no problem and that Id never contact her
again. I hung up the telephone and went to my room, it
seemed like nothingelse in this life made any sense, I
could not sleep that night. Days passed by and the pain
would only get worse. I started doing bad at work and wouldn’t care about anythingelse.
As I came home I felt like calling but my proudness wouldn’t let me. When Id go to
sleep Id pray so much to forget that love that only gave me sadness. It would not work.
The first 15 days were terrible. But later my heart started to addapt. I managed to
let the emotions aside and started thinking of the facts, I started to compreehend
things better and everything started going away, until things returned to normal,
of course I thought of her everynow and then, who does not think back sometimes
on their ex? That’s normal. After three months, guess who calls me? It was her!
My heart beat harder, I had been caught by surprise, a thousand things passed
through my mind in a fraction of second. I felt like crying and laughing at
the same time. I returned to reality without any excitement, my voice became
serene, I talked normally but without intimacy, I was being dry. In a certain
moment she asks to talk personally, because she still loved me. My eyes full
of tears, my heart knew that Id suffer, so I started singing the following music:
“Cuide bem do seu amor, seja quem for…” She started to cry on the phone, I started
then to cry, but continued singing and listening to her bagging and asking to get
back together for she knew she had mistaken a lot and that she had lost the person
that valued her the most. My heart had no other way out other than hang up the phone
on her face. I decided then on that same day to take some time off. Two days later,
I was on the neach, alone, sitting on the sand and starring at the waves. It was the
end of an afternoon, all o fthat was so good, I was feeling very good. That’s when my
cell rang. It was my mother telling me my ex had been found dead, suicide. By her side
there was a letter that said: “Dad and Mom, I love you so much, dont be sad for me, for
life no longer has any meaning. I had the most important person in the world on my hands
and I let him scape. I love him and will eternally do so, I know he no longer wants to be
with me. Stay calm mom, stay calm dad, don’t be mad at him. I am the guilty one. I treated
him like he was some whatever guy. When we broke up, I found out that he was everything for
me. I have a message and I want you to pass it on to every being on this Earth:
“Cuide bem do seu amor, seja quem for...” 

Angels do exist, but sometimes they don’t have any wings… 
Care for your loved ones while you have them and if they still can not see…
walk away in freedom of mind and peace of spirit.

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" music by Harold Arlen and lyrics by E.Y. Harburg
	Somewhere over the rainbow Way up high, There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow Skies are blue, And the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come true. Someday I'll wish upon a star And wake up where the clouds are far Behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That's where you'll find me. Somewhere over the rainbow Bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then, oh why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly Beyond the rainbow Why, oh why can't I?